Why things feel hard (and not *the* kind of hard we desire!)

I notice that, in my intimate relationship, the times when things feel easeful and flowing between us are exactly the times when we spend more time BEING with each other, whether living in close proximity or consciously choosing to make time to be together. The importance here is that we spend *quality* time together to nourish and nurture our connection. It feels as if when we’re together and not mentally preoccupied, our energetic fields start harmonizing and synchronizing, doing all the heavy lifting work for us.

In contrast, the times when things feel really hard are those times when we live far apart, sometimes tens of thousands of miles across the globe, sometimes an hour through horrendous traffic, or when one or both of us have other priorities going on that we become “too busy.” And then, when we finally get together, if we unconsciously choose to use that time to just talk and process the stuff in our heads – which is almost a default – things get even harder (and not *the* kind of hard that we desire!! )

This seeing has brought me a whole new revelation for our relationship with the Muse and with Writing.

Many people spend very little time with the Muse to begin with. Their relationship with the Muse is not their priority. Every time they sit down and write, it feels hard. And it feels hard because they haven’t spent enough time yet to cultivate and nurture this relationship. So they rarely see the Muse at all, and then once in a blue moon they pick up the pen and the connection is not instant at first. But then they make it mean, “Something is wrong with me. This is not working for me. I’m no good at writing. I’m not as good as [so and so]. Writing is just not for me.” Defeated, resigned, they spend less and less time on writing. Instead, they start neglecting the Muse more and more. It all goes downward spiraling from there.

You find writing to be so hard, because, just as in a relationship with another person, you don’t spend enough quality time with them. And then, whenever you get together, instead of being in the richness of the connection, you allow the mental noise in your head to take over, you start thinking, processing, figuring stuff out, planning, controlling, organizing, etc.

When things get hard, it’s not a sign that it’s not working for you, or that you’re not meant for it and you’re no good at it. It just means the connection needs even more nourishment and cultivation. When you’re compelled to avoid and distance and give up on it, that’s exactly when the relationship needs more of your loving nurturing attention.

Conversely, the more you spend time making love with the Muse aka. actually writing, the richer, juicier, and more rewarding your relationship with the Muse will be. Instead of sitting on the bed talking about how the lovemaking should be aka. entertaining all the ideas in your head about writing, you’re in the action of it! Now you’re in the upward spiral, and you can’t wait for the next time you can get together again.


So many people find it difficult to write, to be in flow, even to just put pen to paper. So many have massive resistance to writing. So many feel stuck and have writer’s block.

My questions to all of those people are:

Are you spending ANY quality time with your Muse?

Are you spending time BEING with the Muse and actually writing, or are you up in your head, thinking, planning, mentally processing, trying to figure out?

Are you allowing your connection with each other – you and the Muse – to do the heavy lifting work for you?

Or are you constantly interfering with that connection by needing to be right and checking where you’re going?


I love getting lost in the depth of connection with my beloved, when it no longer matters what’s going on out there, it’s only the two of us here right now with each other. It’s like we’ve opened up a whole new dimension inside this moment that only lovers inhabit.

And I love getting lost in the depth of connection with the Muse, too, when I let myself be carried and taken into the far, hidden reaches of my heart. It’s like we’ve opened up whole new dimensions within my heart, illuminated by Her whimsical light.

If you’re struggling to write, chances are, you’re not spending enough quality time with the Muse. You may think you are writing, but you’re just thinking about writing instead of actually writing. It’s like sitting next to a date but talking on and on ad nauseam about how you think they should be, whether out loud or in your head, instead of actually being with them.

If you’re considering receiving support for writing the book of your soul and taking it all the way to completion, reach out to me at hello (at) soulofthesun.art and we’ll see how I can help you get your book written in the most soul-aligned way.